I have made phone calls, researched websites, and printed a lot of documents in the last week. I have learned that this process will take TIME!
TIME or should I say waiting is hard. I remember the two year adoption journey with Stevan. I didn’t handle that well. By the time we brought Stevan home, I was wasted, mad at God, depressed and I had almost abandoned by faith. I was not at a good place when he came home and that led to the next few years continuing on in that place. That is another blog post for another time.
Thankfully God remained faithful, and He has guided me through friends and the help of my therapist to a place of healing and restoration. He has revealed to me over the last 8 years that His timing was good and Stevan coming home was exactly RIGHT.
As exhausted as I am from caregiving, and I am again questioning God’s plans. I have a totally different outlook then I did back during the adoption process. I credit my faithful prayer warriors for interceding on my behalf and God Himself… I feel HIM CLOSE…. I’m questioning but I know there is a purpose, a plan and an outcome that God has ordained for Bryson. Isn’t it ironic, one faith journey was bringing a son home and this one is sending a son away. Life is crazy!
So back to time…. It’s precious, it’s action, it’s stillness, it’s seeking, it’s costly, it’s hopeful, it’s hard!
This morning in my Facetime call with Brad, I told him that the part I’m wrestling with is what do to in this time of waiting. It has been 5 ½ months since we moved to the Valley. The days in the RV seem a long time ago already. We are enjoying our new house in the Peoria area and I we have been blessed with many visitors and my newly retired brother-in-law who is helping get this house updated and looking good. I told Brad if I would have known I would be here this long, I could have invested into something temporary for Bryson to do and got myself involved with activities in the community… but I didn’t know. So here we are, it could be another 4 to 10 weeks. We don’t know.
As I was talking, I said “I have to change my thinking about the time” I must reframe my mind. The word DEPLOYED popped into my head. I told Brad “let’s just consider that I have been deployed on a mission” When you sign up you commit to the work and the time, you don’t know what all it will entail and where you will be sent to, but you GO.
I have been deployed away from family and familiar and sent out on a mission of placing Bryson with a great family in a place he loves for the next chapter of his life. I have to stand watch for the enemy’s threats of appeals and discouragement. I have to keep my eyes and ears open for instructions from God who will let me in on the details when it’s necessary for the next move. It might be scary, dirty, lonely, and hard but the reward will come when the mission is complete, and I can return home.
Wow, as I am typing “return home” that stirred up emotions, because I know when you return home from a mission, you aren’t the same, circumstances aren’t the same. (Ok, now is not the time to get into all of that)
So my prayer request is that I can reframe my mind to the mission at hand and know that the TIME it takes will have meaning and purpose and to again surrender to my Heavenly Father and HE will bring me home at the PERFECT TIME.
This is such a good word! Stay strong but yet rest in Him. Remember, one day you will be able to turn this cross stitch over and the beauty will be evident to all. To Father God be the glory.
You were on my mind this morning as I woke up, so now I know why. Continued prayers for you my friend!
Tear jerking post!
You are such a gifted writer ❤️❤️
I read the verse below earlier this week, and immediately thought of your situation. And now, after reading about your “deployment”, I think it is most fitting to share. I will continue to pray for you, Bryson, and your family, that it won’t be long until you receive the victory! ❤️
“For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” Deuteronomy 20:4
Thanks for sharing the verse and for your prayers.
Thinking and praying for you, Bryson and the ones here at home! What an amazing and devoted mom you are! I can’t even begin to imagine… I just know the long process it was and still is here to get Kenzi the services she needs and so desperately deserves. I was just talking to a friend today that has a son with special needs and he said why is it that for those that “truly” need services, funding, etc it is so hard to get and for others( which I won’t repeat what he said) its just like they are Jeannie and they cross their arms and nod their head and there it is just what they need…I him that I didn’t have an answer for him but that I did understand his frustration because when Steve would take Kenzi to apply for SSI and disability every week in the beginning He said it was like a family reunion there while they waited in line. And everyone got what they needed and kenzi just kept getting denied.
My dad would always tell us growing up when my sister and I would argue over dumb things ( looking back now) that “life isn’t fair!” And my mom would say “but God is good!”
As frustrating as it is and as difficult and disappointing when we keep having to wait, just try and remember that everything is in God’s time not ours! I know that is sooo much easier said then done and then Satan just wants to keep nudging us to make us doubt our Faith and get frustrated ad upset over things that we really have no control over.
You are doing AMAZING things for Bryson! He is a awesome young man, I miss seeing him.
Keep your chin up!
❤️
Kristi
Thanks for sharing, any special needs mom knows the battle is real. Yes life isn’t fair but God is good!