Sixteen years ago today, my dad died while on vacation in Bronson, Missouri from a heart attack. Sixteen years seems like a long time, but the memories of that time are still so fresh in my mind.
I remember the phone call from my mom that said he was in the hospital with chest pains but everything tested o.k. and he should be getting discharged soon. I recall the phone call several hours later from mom saying dad just went “code blue” and then the next phone call shortly later that said he was gone. Wow, how fast life can change.
Other memories keep flooding through my mind….standing in my living room surrounded by friends and family praying and collapsing on the floor in grief; yelling “my dad just died” to the flight attendant on the airplane that wouldn’t let me get up to use the restroom; later yelling at another airport worker when I couldn’t locate my brother at the airport; meeting my mother for the first time at the airport, the tears, shock and grief. Then the long nighttime drive home from Missouri with my mother, the funeral and then a new “normal”. I could go on and on about those memories that seem just like yesterday, but 16 years have passed and I have missed him so much. There are so many things that he has missed out on in my life, the biggest is that he never got to meet my children, oh what a heartache that brings.
I don’t want to stay in that place of heartache; I want to remember this great man. My dad was a man of gentle strength, a man of few words. But when he did speak it was with confidence and his words made an impact. He was a man of vision and dreams. He was an entrepreneur and great business man. A man with only an 8th grade education but with a mind to learn and guts to try new things. He had a heart for missions and an incredible giving spirit. He stood up for what he believed in and stood up for those who couldn’t do it themselves. I recall many times seeing him sitting on his chair reading his Bible. He was a strong man of faith and had a great love for God.
Since he was man of few words, we didn’t have a lot of deep conversations but we bonded by watching IU basketball and sharing our love for sports. Even though the conversations were not often deep, I knew the love was there. He cared about what I was doing in life and wanted the best for me.
I know that I have been blessed to inherit some of his traits and my desire is that I can live them out with the same strength, confidence and guts that he had to follow my heart and pursue what God is calling me to. Thank you dad for all that you did for me during the 25 years we had together. I miss you so much!!
