Alone

This morning at 3:30 am Tucker and Kaden left to head back to Indiana.  I was officially alone in the house.

I’ve been alone before; this alone is different – this time it’s the empty room, empty pantry shelf where all Bryson’s meds were stored, no daily pill container on the countertop, empty shoe rack – reminders of a new kind of alone.

The move went well on Thursday afternoon.  Kaden, Jake, and Tucker were rock stars in helping me turn the new room into Bryson’s room.  It didn’t take long after we arrived that Bryson left us working in his room and he was downstairs chatting with Melissa.  Yes, Melissa is the name of his new caregiver mom.

Introducing Melissa and Marc, Joe and Stevie and dogs Mrs. Beasley and Georgia

My brain was not functioning at its best on Thursday, my emotions were high, I was in robot and shock mode. As I stated before, thankfully the guys took charge and got all the necessary things done. We were starving when we left and hit a local pizza place.  The guy’s chatter was a balm to my weary soul. 

In a previous blog post, I talked about distractions, distractions kept me busy yesterday, helped keep my emotions in check.  I’m good at keeping my emotions in check, I’ve done that well for 51 years.  They have leaked out a lot over the last few weeks but I’m good at patching the leaks and collecting them inside of me.  I feel sealed off from them now… my head is observing the empty, but my heart is cold.

I believe God uses shock to help our bodies deal with hard situations.  I’m waiting for it to wear off and let it sink into my new reality and future. 

I left Bryson at his new home 42 hours ago, in that time frame, he went out to supper with his new family to a sports restaurant to watch the Phoenix Suns with Marc.  Marc loves sports.  He attended the day program ARCH and had pizza for lunch.  Melissa changed his insulin pod with the aid of a video and Bryson coaching her through the entire process.  His blood sugar readings have been perfect, he even got a unicorn… in the Type 1 world when your blood sugar is 100 it is called a unicorn… because it is magical! (OK so I haven’t turned off his blood sugar readings and alarms yet… I will soon) He also attended ARCH Spring Prom last night and was on the Royal Court as a prince.  I’d say that was a good first 42 hours.

I’m thankful for the pictures that Melissa has sent me, and I know she will continue.  Bryson looks happy in them.  I haven’t talked to Bryson since we left, I will head over today and bring paperwork that I forgot on Thursday.  I’m excited to talk to him and connect more with the family. 

Thanks for all your prayers… please keep them coming…. It’s the weeks ahead that will be the hardest. 

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