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I captured this picture last spring during the super bloom of wildflowers northeast of Phoenix. At the time I marveled at how this plant found root in the middle of the hardness of the desert floor.
As I am working through the writing process of my book, I’m discovering that it’s a lonely place and it feels like I’m in the middle of hard. I’m grateful for Hope*Books, my publishing company, for giving me this chance to fulfill the call God gave me 15 years ago to write a book.
Continue reading →Yesterday afternoon, Brad and I arrived in the desert. We came to see Bryson, grab some sunshine and Brad to attend a Winnipeg Jets Hockey game against the Arizona Coyotes. Bryson sees his new neurologist next week and so that was my “excuse” that I needed to be here. Melissa, Bryson’s ADH provider could easily have attended the appointment with Bryson. She has done a great job of navigating all of Bryson’s medical needs in the 5 months that Bryson has lived with them, I am very grateful.
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I have a dear friend, who has a gift of encouragement by sharing songs that meet you right where you need it most. Songs have a way of speaking directly into the soul.
When I am in a certain mood, lyrics from songs will pop in my head and add an extra boast of fun to a conversation.
I always have music playing in my car. Many times, I’m not truly listening, it’s white noise. There are times when I need words to sooth my heart and God delivers the exact song I need to hear.
Songs have a way of taking you back…. Just the other day, I heard a song, and it took me back to my youth group days, I could see the place, the people and I recalled exactly what we were doing as we were jamming to the song. There are several worship songs that I love but are hard for me to listen to… they take me back to a hard situation in my life and those songs were played often during that time.
My love for music started with Amy Grant, Michael W Smith, Stevan Curtis Chapman, Carman, Silverwind! This summer, when we were at my SIL house, they had a record of Silverwind… I got giddy and played it… oh the memories that flooded back.
As I started the research process for my book, I read through my writings from the past. Included in my writings were many quotes, bible verses and song lyrics. Many of them I want to include in my book because they were helpful to me at that time. But I discovered that I can’t include song lyrics in my book because of copyright laws. It makes me sad because music/songs are a huge part of me.
The Bible references music in some form in 1150 verses. God invites us to worship Him in song as a form of communication. He gifts people with words to write songs that bless His people.
As I write my book and tell you about how God has moved through my life, I want to reflect and remember His grace, His power and trust Him in this process. As I recall the memories of the good times and the hard times…. I just might have a song for that!
Yesterday morning, we had a meeting with DDD to finalize all of Bryson’s services. I signed the papers late in the afternoon. Eleven months and twenty-one days after we moved to the desert, we got what we came for, approval for Bryson to live in an ADH home. They will backdate his starting day to September 6th!
The big obstacle is over, but not everything is good and done. Bryson is still waiting to start vocational rehab to start the job-hunting process. He isn’t happy with the program he is going to every day. This momma’s intuition thought that this might happen. We have mainstreamed Bryson into the normal world all his life and spending the day with people like him isn’t what he knows, and he has refused to participate in the activities there. Bryson’s stubborn streak has shown up and even though it frustrates me, I am glad that he can find a way to express his feelings. Bryson has a hard time vocalizing what he is feeling, so yesterday he was able to speak out his frustrations and I was proud of him. We have other options that we can investigate. The Valley is big, and we will keep exploring to find the place that helps Bryson thrive.
We meet with the nursing service that will coordinate and help with Bryson’s diabetes management. I still have questions as to how this will work, and frustrations that this must happen. But as we find in life, compromises must happen sometimes to make it all work.
Moving on to the next exciting phase in my life, my sample chapter is due to my editor next week for my book. This process has been invigorating, scary and stretching. I have worked through all the assignments that the publisher had for me, but to start to write….
This is it… the time is now….the story that God has faithfully walked me through is starting to unfold on paper. I have received healing in many areas, but I realize as I look back and process not only the events in my life but the emotions, I will discover more healing is needed. After the meeting on Monday, I sent this text to several friends “I’m realizing that grief and guilt aren’t one and done, such a roller coaster ride of emotions, you want your kids to have the best.”
Thanks again for all your prayers and support!! One of the chapters in my book is called “It Takes a Village” you ……. yes, I’m talking to you… are one of them!
Last week we finally received good news from Arizona!
“This office has re-reviewed your appeal concerning the Division of Developmental Disabilities’ decision to deny placement in a Habilitation, Adult Developmental Home for your son, Bryson Plett. Please be advised that your appeal has been approved. The Division of Developmental Disabilities will approve placement in a Habilitation, Adult Developmental Home.”
The battle has taken almost 7 months to be fought. Truthfully, I opened the email, read it and I was numb. It is a cause for celebration, but the battle has been long and exhausting. The battle didn’t end without injuries.
We had to compromise on a few issues with Bryson’s diabetes management.
My heart, mind and body have battle scars that need to heal.
Last week I announced that I was writing a book and I wrote in my post that I wanted Bryson’s battle to be done before I announced it, but God’s promptings to make it public when I did reveal the truth of how God knows ALL. He knew that I would get the news of the approval the same week. He needed me to step out in faith!
Thank you, prayer warriors, for your part in this adventure. I covet your continued prayers as we are still waiting for vocational rehab to start to help Bryson find a job in the Phoenix area. He isn’t fulfilled with his current day activities, and we need this to happen soon!
I can remember the time and the place I was when God spoke to me and told me that Brad and I were supposed to adopt Stevan.
I can remember the time and the place I was when my dad died.
I can remember the time and the place I was when the planes hit the World Trade Center.
I can’t remember the time or the place when God told me to write a book. All I know is that the year was 2008.
I can go through my computer files and my paper files and find page after page of chapter ideas, stories, and quotes that I collected over many years.
I can remember sitting down with another couple one evening and telling them about my vision for a book.
I knew the title in 2008, I knew the subject, I knew what the underlying theme would be for the book.
What I didn’t know was the book wasn’t ready to be written in 2008. God just planted a seed.
God knew that life would have many more twists, highs and lows and lessons for me to learn.
Here we are in 2023, fifteen years after the seed was planted and I have exciting news!
I’m writing a book! My story…. a memoir!
I signed a book contract with Hope*Books at the end of May. I have been meeting with 32 other authors by Zoom every Thursday for the past 3 months. It has been exciting and scary. I have completed nine assignments to help me gain focus on my subject, my audience, and my dream. Assignment #4 was to publicly announce on my social media accounts that I was writing a book, I wasn’t ready. I had told myself that I wanted Bryson’s situation to be resolved and then I can turn the page to the next chapter. That hasn’t happened, but I feel God telling me it’s time to make it known.
Last week I turned in my book outline to my developmental editor. The hard work of writing the manuscript will be my focus over the fall and winter months. The timeline of Hope*Books process is to have a published book in 12-18 months after starting with them.
Stay tuned, I hope to share more about the writing process and bits and pieces of it here. I can’t wait till 2024 when I can share the whole work… my story with you “In a Stroke of Love”.
My posts over the past year have been mostly about Bryson’s transition to Arizona. The process has felt all-consuming at times. I have been home for three months now and feel adjusted back to life here… I think. I have no updates on Bryson’s situation, but life has continued to move ahead.
Last week Stevan came home after a year serving with YWAM Louisville. His outreach locations were in Columbia and Brazil.
Kaden left on Friday for his last first day of college! He will be completing his Business Management degree at IWU next spring.
We found a new home for Rizzo. Rizzo has been going to a dog sitter whenever we traveled the last few years. This family has fallen in love with Rizzo and is excited to welcome him into their family. We are sad but excited that he will be going to a family who already loves him!
Last Friday was the 20th anniversary of Brad’s ditch cave-in accident. As I sat talking to Kaden about it, I could visualize holding him on the rocking chair when I got the call no wife wants to receive, Kaden was 4 months old. Reflecting on the memories of the following months after the accident, I am grateful that he is with me today and we can celebrate his healing and all the good memories we have made over the past 20 years.
As days, months, years move on…… it’s easy to get stuck in the hard places, in the places that push us out of our comfort zone and bring us to our knees.
I find myself stuck often, I find myself consumed by anxiety, I find myself doubting.
But I have grown, I have learned, I have prayed!
I believe that in those hard places – God is faithful, God is present, God is all knowing, GOD IS GOOD – all the time – and all the time GOD IS GOOD!
The last few weeks have involved lots of emails and phone calls. Yesterday we finally received documents that outline the new proposal from the State of Arizona with the correct terminology that we can agree on. If we agree to this, it will be several weeks until everything is finalized.
When I have explained this to a friend what the state is proposing, she asked “isn’t this what you wanted?” Yes, I will get what I wanted and I’m thankful, but it has conditions that I strongly disagree with. I am finding it hard to wrap my mind around the added time and energy this will put on Bryson’s new family. Also, I’m not sure that Bryson’s health will not be compromised with these “requirements.”
We are close to the battle being over, but the battle has inflicted wounds and scars that will need time to heal.
My mind is weary, my heart is anxious, my body is exhausted.
I’m thankful for God’s unwavering love for me!
I’m thankful for my village of friends who stand in the gap when I don’t have the strength.
My hope and prayer…… when this battle is behind me, I can shift my mind, heart, and body completely into what God has for me next.
The next chapter is coming…….
I have rediscovered in the last year how writing is healing to my soul. I have also realized how I can “shut down” and start carrying the burdens internally. My goal was to keep writing here frequently to share my life with you, even apart from the Bryson journey you have all been walking through with me.
Most of my posts in the past have come to me at night, bits and pieces of what I’m processing in my mind. My mind has not been quiet, but no ideas came to my mind. I’m thankful that my sleep has improved recently, but last night, I couldn’t sleep, my mind was all over the map.
Yesterday was a stressful day involving our situation in Arizona with Bryson. I received information in the morning that sent my mind spiraling downward. I strongly dislike it when I get into this place, I feel out of control mentally. The negative thoughts, the frustration and anger, the self-doubt, the bad self-talk comes. I tell myself, that I should know better, God is in Control…. but the hard feels so overwhelming and hopeless.
As I sat in my chair, fighting to reclaim the truth, I texted several friends what I was grateful for. It helped, but I was still caught in that angst place all day. Late afternoon we had a meeting again with a lot of people involved in Bryson’s case. So thankful for technology that Brad and I could both participate in the meeting.
We have made progress, but we still do not have a clear resolution. They offered us a proposal, the proposal that they offered is exactly what I proposed to them 5 ½ months ago when I was first informed that they were going to deny. The exact words from an email I received about my proposal “I elevated your last suggestion and it was indicated that it is not possible for that to occur.” NOW, it is possible?
I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. Working with government systems that are outdated, full of bureaucracy and dealing with people who are not the decision makers but the vessels to deliver information and they can’t answer my questions.
I realized last night as my mind was on overdrive, I wanted my next post here to be titled DONE! I want this to be done, we are in the 11th month since we started this adventure. It has been 5 ½ months since they first denied our request to pay for the home we want for Bryson.
Today is a new day, a day with sunshine. I cling to the truth of God’s plan, His timing, His purposes. As most of us know, we might never have clear answers to the WHYs in our life. My mind is hopeful and less foggy to see the situation in a better light.
Yesterday when I was fighting for hope, I picked up my Bible and opened it… This is what I read:
Samuel 2:1-2
Then Hannah prayed: “My heart rejoices in the Lord! The Lord has made me strong.
Now I have an answer for my enemies; I rejoice because you rescued me. No one is holy like the Lord! There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.
Micah 7:15-16
Yes,” says the Lord, “I will do mighty miracles for you, like those I did when I rescued you from slavery in Egypt.” All the nations of the world will stand amazed at what the Lord will do for you. They will be embarrassed at their feeble power. They will cover their mouths in silent awe, deaf to everything around them.
Last week was a whirlwind, the Elkhart County Fair happened! Brad’s niece and brother came to visit, and Bryson asked to stay so he could go to the fair a few days. He ended up being home with us for a month.
Monday afternoon, I received a call and an email from our lawyer. DDD wanted to send in a nurse and administrator to meet Bryson and to see how the Omnipod works. I believe God has His hand in the perfect timing of this. I told Susan that Bryson and I were flying home that evening and I was going to be in the Valley for one day and can they meet me on Tuesday. We now have evidence that DDD can move fast if they want! One thing I had to give up for them to come in was to push back our hearing date. I wasn’t worried, Bryson was going to be seen and the facts would prevail.
Our meeting was Tuesday afternoon, DDD sent a district nurse and DDD health Service Administrator. Our agency sent a representative on our behalf. I was a nervous wreak and I was also so grateful that Bryson was going to be seen. Bryson was a total rockstar. They asked him if he could walk me through the pod change as if I had never done it before. He did perfectly. There were 6 adults watching him, three were strangers, and he calmly and confidently talked me through the steps. I could tell the nurse and admin were impressed. My hopes were high! Finally, we saw the truth and a quick decision would be made to get this all resolved.
I flew home on Wednesday and hopped right back into the craziness of fair week. My thoughts were positive, I would hear soon from my lawyer, and I could lay this all down. I emailed our lawyer on Thursday asking her when she thought she would hear something. Her response sent me spiraling downward, she said “don’t expect to hear anything for a few weeks.”
The end is not in sight, we don’t have a new hearing date scheduled. Our lawyer must turn in her new hearing statement on the 18th of August. There is nothing we can do to make them move.
A dear friend reminded me to list what I am grateful for:
I am thankful for God’s hand in the timing of Bryson being seen.
I am thankful that Bryson was happy and ready to go back to his new home in Phoenix.
I am thankful for my village who have prayed, send me encouraging words and listened to me as I have dumped out my frustrations.
I am thankful for my new kitten Leo… yes, he was probably brought home because of my need for a new distraction, but he has produced a lot of laughter in our home.
Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. 1 Chronicles 16:8