I have had a lot of words and thoughts rolling in my head the last week. I have shed tears and more tears. I want to tell you all about the happenings, but I also want to hold them close to my heart.
Transition is hard, it’s personal. How one navigates these new paths is unique, one of a kind.
On Sunday, I was blessed to have spent the day with Gordon, Lynette, and Ali on their annual Mother’s Day Adventure trip. We went to Tucson and to Saguaro National Park. We saw cacti of every shape and size as far as the eye could see. We were on a hunt for the rare Crested Saguaro. As we drove, I marveled at the uniqueness of each cactus we saw. I marveled at the creativity of our God who must have a humorous side to create all the types of desert plants and animals that thrive in the heat.
His creativity with nature and animals is applicable to His creation of mankind. I can chuckle at God’s creativity as He made each of us different and unique. Weird in our own special way. He made each of us in His image and we were perfectly formed in our mother’s wound. But earth… is a fallen place… as we traverse through our lives, some of us, like cactus, have grown tall but feel alone. Some of us feel like life has become complex, a mess of twisted and mangled parts, and we don’t know which way to go. Others appear to look perfect on the outside but inside are dry and thirsty for community. There are also ones who, like the Crested, don’t form the correct way and develop unusual characteristics.
The common phrase “we all have a story” might seem overstated. But this “story” has made each of us who we are. Just like each cactus in the desert, they have been created to handle the hardscape that they have grown in. Did you know, a saguaro cactus will not bloom with flowers until they are 35 years old or/and 6’ tall. They can’t grow arms until they are 60-75 years old or 16’ tall. They reach full height at 150 + years and 40’ tall.
God has richly given us Himself to handle the hardscape of our stories. But lack of faith, doubt, impatience, people pleasing can block us from receiving. It might feel like we will never bloom, find our purpose, start using our gifts and talents.
Can you relate to any of these: Will I be able to grieve the right way? Transition the right way? What will “they” think of me? Am I a good mom? Will I ever get it right? What is next for me? Maybe it would be better the way it used to be?
I want to destroy all those questions, bury them deep, cling to truth, remember that we are all unique, we all grow differently. I am working on… slowly…very slowly… to be that scarred cactus, standing tall, in the desert, testifying about God’s grace in my life and share my story… by using words to help others whose ground has become cracked and dry from the intense heat of life. My prayer is, as people pass by me, they can see I have withstood the battle, I have conquered the fear and doubts and I have found the beauty of God’s purpose for me.
