This morning Bryson had an MRI done. His last one was 12 years ago when he was two years old. The neurologist thought it would be a good idea to check and see if anything had changed in his brain since he has been having more seizure activity. The MRI wasn’t a problem this morning; the part that was difficult was getting the IV put in. Bryson has always been a hard stick and has had to have a lot of blood work done over the years with his seizure medications. I usually don’t tell the technicians that he is a hard stick so they don’t have that in their minds. Bryson is very good at telling them what to try and not try, and he watches intently ever time they stick him. He likes to have the blood draws on his right side since he has decreased feeling there. This morning they tried twice on his right arm with no luck and so they had to move to his left arm. They got the IV in once and then it blew when they were flushing it, so they had to try again. At one point, there was a tech looking at his right arm and two looking at his left arm, with his arms stretched open he looked up at me and said “can you take my place?” How do you answer that question? Even as I type it now, my eyes watered and my heart aches. Any parent who has had to watch their child go through something that involves pain, I’m sure can relate to this feeling, you just want to take their place and make it all better. I just looked at him and told him I would take his place if I could.
Bryson never complains about the tough stuff in his life and he speaks straight from his heart. I knew that those words were his way of telling me he didn’t like what was going on but it wasn’t spoken with any kind of complaint or blame in his voice, just truth. When the technician that finally was able to get the IV in his left hand was leaving the room, with tears in her eyes she told me that he was an amazing kid, I just agreed with tears in my eyes too. All day I have been processing this ache in my heart. I so often have questioned God with “why Bryson?” But I am reminded again and again, how God makes no mistakes and Bryson has taught me more about the grace and love of God then any other experience in my life. The picture that came to my mind after Bryson asked me that question in the position with open arms, was of Jesus on the cross with open arms, He did take my place! It is hard for me to fathom sometimes the love my Savior had for me to die on the cross in my place. I also find it hard to fathom the reason why Bryson has to experience such difficulties in life, but even if I never understand the reasons, what I do know is that God is always there to heal the brokenhearted, to give comfort to those hurting, His love never fails and all His plans are for good and not harm. Knowing these things can bring me peace even when my heart hurts.
