Desert Living

Adoption, Books, Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Health, Lyme Disease, Memoir

Blessings

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I sit here at my computer gazing out at the sunshine dancing off the evergreen trees in my backyard.  I’m grateful for the sunshine.  Life has been full of many blessings over the last month since I have written here. 

My intentions to write have been good, but actions haven’t followed through.

I feel like I have a lot to share with you. Yesterday afternoon I had planned to write my next blog, but life took a turn.  Stevan was involved in a car accident.  I got the call from Brad at 2 pm while having lunch with a dear friend.  I had just told her in our conversation over lunch, that life has been going so well, my brain is telling me, “When will the next shoe drop?”

As I listened to Brad on the phone, he gave me brief details, and I hurried up and headed for the hospital.  I’m not going to get into the weeds of the accident here, but I learned more about myself through this experience.

Stevan’s angels were protecting him, he walked away from the crash, with a mild concussion and a few cuts.  I know he will be extremely sore for a few days.  My immediate fear yesterday was if this accident would trigger his trauma that he has suffered from his time in Jamaica.  The answer is YES it did, but though my fears were accurate, last night once he arrived home, I saw a transformation in him, and my heart smiled.  Evidence of his growth and healing!

As I sat in the ER room yesterday while he was down for a CT scan, I thought of my plans to write my blog and tell you all the good and exciting things that have been going on in my life, but here I sat in the ER.  Thoughts of “why God” passed through and in the past those thoughts wouldn’t have passed they would have lingered and spiraled and sent me crashing. But this time they PASSED THROUGH” Evidence of my growth and healing!

 I can testify today about all the blessings in my life:

Stevan’s accident though scary, frustrating, and painful physically and emotionally – HE IS GOOD

Kaden graduated from college at IWU on April 27! I am proud of his determination and courage. Those who have followed my blog know of his battle with Lyme Disease.  He is 85% better, and we are continuing to seek ways to help him reach 100% – HE IS GOOD

Bryson is doing well in Arizona. He got to travel with his ADH family to New Mexico for vacation last week.  We are finally working with vocational rehab about a job, but the process is as slow as a snail. Life isn’t perfect for him but – HE IS GOOD

Tyrell and Kaden both got engaged in the past 5 months, super excited to welcome their ladies into our family, one wedding in September of this year and the other next May – WEDDINGS ARE GOOD

Last week we received all the money back that we paid from May – September 2023 to the Arizona Government during the time that they had denied Bryson’s services for his ADH home.  We didn’t receive any apology or admittance of wrongdoing, but seeing that money in my checking account – GOD IS GOOD

On Monday, Bryson’s legal guardianship transfer to Arizona was complete – GOD IS GOOD

Finally… my book!

I received my book back from my editor a week and a half ago.  I have been diligently working on all the edits.  There were many edits, but her kind words “Excellent work on this!” helped me navigate through each one.  My editor did an amazing job of helping me see where I needed to clarify more and dig deeper into my emotions to help convey my story to the reader.  Monday, I spent 11 ½ hours at the computer and I am almost done with the edits.  Next step is to submit my manuscript to a copy editor. – GOD IS GOOD

Writing this book has been therapeutic for me.  As I have journeyed through the past 26 years, I have seen the evidence of my GROWTH AND HEALING! I’m excited to share it with all of you but I’m anxious and scared too. I’ve opened myself up to share ALL of me with you.  In doing this, my hope that someone will read it and be able to find GROWTH AND HEALING for themselves.

In the next few weeks, I will have a better idea when the book will be published.  I’ll let you know.

I AM SO BLESSED! GOD IS GOOD! 

Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Memoir, Special Needs, Stress and Anxiety, Uncategorized

A Boy and His Dog

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It was early winter of 2016, I had been heading into a deep dive of depression following Steven coming home.  Bryson had been asking for a long time for a dog, and he had an infatuation with Pomskies.  One afternoon, Bryson approached me “mom I found some pomsky puppies for sale.” I of course stopped and looked at the link through Facebook.  They were adorable.  Heading into winter it was not the best time to sell puppies and they were offering them at a discounted price.  Pomskies, at that time, were a high price item.

 I knew I was in trouble….I knew I should not go….  but I needed a diversion I needed something else to think about except the hard that my life was handing me.  I made a phone call, an appointment and soon Bryson and I were on our way.  We traversed into the backroads of  Amish County until we arrived at the Amish farm.

We approached the large white house, knocking on the door to their washroom.  We were greeted by a mom and numerous young kids, as well as five Pomsky puppies.  The puppies greeted us wagging their tails and looking for affection.  Bryson and I engaged with the puppies, petting them, and taking turns holding them.  I knew from that moment, it was over, I would be going home with a puppy!

Brad rolled his eyes at me when I told him when we returned home that we found THE ONE! I went through all the reasons this would work… Bryson would help pay for him….  Bryson had always wanted one, how can we tell him no, we tell him no so often… maybe this dog could be Bryson’s companion and learn how to detect his low blood sugars.  I thought of every probable reason to make it feel like Bryson needed a puppy and that’s exactly what happened a week later.

Bryson and I went to the Amish farmhouse and brought our puppy home, we named him Rizzo after Bryson’s favorite Chicago Cub’s baseball player.  He fast became a loved member of our family. Rizzo became my distraction and filled my time as I battled depression.

Fast forward to 2022 we had decided that Bryson and I were going on an adventure to Arizona to move him there.  We knew that bringing Rizzo along was not an idea that would work, the heat, the RV living and not knowing the dog situation with the family that he would be placed in.

Bryson was sad, it was a difficult time for him.  Rizzo wasn’t happy with our move either.  I had been his primary caregiver and I left him, abandoned him for months on end.  Brad and Ty tolerated him and his bad behaviors.  We spent lots of money with the dog sitter as Brad traveled back and forth.  We talked about finding a new home for Rizzo, Bryson was angry and told us we didn’t have the right to rehome him.  But we knew that we were not giving Rizzo what he needed.

In the summer of 2023 after I had returned home from placing Bryson in his new home, we found an amazing home for Rizzo.  Last week I received pictures of Rizzo.  He is living in Arkansas, he has five other dog companions, 2 cat companions, a gigantic, fenced backyard to play in, also he has a little boy who loves him.  Rizzo is living his best life!

As I was thinking about Rizzo and his situation, the correlation to Bryson came to mind.  It was exceedingly difficult to decide to move Bryson to Arizona and to let him go live with another family.  But this past week, seeing pictures of him on vacation with his new family, birthday, and Special Olympics pictures, I know that Bryson is also living his best life!

Even when the road ahead seems hard and doesn’t seem right…. stepping out in faith and moving on can bring the best that’s yet to come!

Desert Living, Encouragement, Special Needs, Uncategorized

Happy New Year

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2024 is here! I continue to be amazed at how fast the years go by. What I have heard is that as we get older the faster time seems to go by.

2023 was full of many changes, opportunities, and great memories! It was also full of letting go, questions and hard moments.

As I look ahead at my 2024 calendar, I see travel adventures, Kaden’s college graduation and wedding planning and the hopes of having a published book by year end. I look forward with hope and excitement, but not denying the fact that there will be hard moments ahead too.

Great memories were made while our family was in the desert the week before Christmas. This mama heart was full as all my boys were together, and adding two precious girlfriends in our adventures was awesome, I no longer was the only female!

Bryson’s daily life still isn’t what he wants and even though he is discouraged, he has no desire to return to Indiana. We finally had our first interview with Vocational Rehab to start the process of helping him find a job. We are also inquiring into several other day programs that hopefully will be a better fit for him.

I have been feeling stuck the last month on writing the manuscript for my book. I know that I shared in a previous post, how writing is hard. I knew the process would be hard, but I didn’t realize it would be as difficult. It’s not about what I’m writing about, I have the memories, I have the stories, it’s the required writing style that paralyzes me. Several days ago, I reviewed my chapters, I have completed approximately 30% of the manuscript. My deadline is in two months, so I must get down to serious business and get the rest of the chapters written.

My blog site was updated with a few new features. I added a new subscriber button on the upper right corner of the site. I know many of you read my posts through Facebook and Instagram. I invite you to subscribe to my blog and you will receive new blog posts directly into your inbox. Also, my subscribers will be the first to hear updates regarding my book. If you had subscribed earlier,  you would need to resubscribe since I am using a new email host site.

As an incentive to sign up for my new subscriber list, I am giving away two signed copies of my book! I will take all the names of subscribers added between today and Thursday, January 4! I will draw names on the 5th and will let you know who will receive a free signed copy when the book is released.

I am grateful for each of you who has followed my adventures in 2023 and have offered support and care. I invite you to continue walking alongside me in 2024. Together we will cling to the HOPE, PEACE and PROMISES that our Heavenly Father has in store for each of us!

Desert Living, Encouragement, Memoir, Special Needs

The Process is Hard

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I captured this picture last spring during the super bloom of wildflowers northeast of Phoenix. At the time I marveled at how this plant found root in the middle of the hardness of the desert floor. 

As I am working through the writing process of my book, I’m discovering that it’s a lonely place and it feels like I’m in the middle of hard.  I’m grateful for Hope*Books, my publishing company, for giving me this chance to fulfill the call God gave me 15 years ago to write a book.

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Adoption, Desert Living, Encouragement, Family

The Mountains Declare

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Yesterday afternoon, Brad and I arrived in the desert. We came to see Bryson, grab some sunshine and Brad to attend a Winnipeg Jets Hockey game against the Arizona Coyotes. Bryson sees his new neurologist next week and so that was my “excuse” that I needed to be here. Melissa, Bryson’s ADH provider could easily have attended the appointment with Bryson. She has done a great job of navigating all of Bryson’s medical needs in the 5 months that Bryson has lived with them, I am very grateful.

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Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Memoir, Special Needs

DONE

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Yesterday morning, we had a meeting with DDD to finalize all of Bryson’s services.  I signed the papers late in the afternoon.  Eleven months and twenty-one days after we moved to the desert, we got what we came for, approval for Bryson to live in an ADH home. They will backdate his starting day to September 6th!

The big obstacle is over, but not everything is good and done.  Bryson is still waiting to start vocational rehab to start the job-hunting process.  He isn’t happy with the program he is going to every day.  This momma’s intuition thought that this might happen. We have mainstreamed Bryson into the normal world all his life and spending the day with people like him isn’t what he knows, and he has refused to participate in the activities there. Bryson’s stubborn streak has shown up and even though it frustrates me, I am glad that he can find a way to express his feelings.  Bryson has a hard time vocalizing what he is feeling, so yesterday he was able to speak out his frustrations and I was proud of him.  We have other options that we can investigate. The Valley is big, and we will keep exploring to find the place that helps Bryson thrive.

We meet with the nursing service that will coordinate and help with Bryson’s diabetes management.  I still have questions as to how this will work, and frustrations that this must happen.  But as we find in life, compromises must happen sometimes to make it all work. 

Moving on to the next exciting phase in my life, my sample chapter is due to my editor next week for my book.  This process has been invigorating, scary and stretching.  I have worked through all the assignments that the publisher had for me, but to start to write….

This is it… the time is now….the story that God has faithfully walked me through is starting to unfold on paper.  I have received healing in many areas, but I realize as I look back and process not only the events in my life but the emotions, I will discover more healing is needed.  After the meeting on Monday, I sent this text to several friends “I’m realizing that grief and guilt aren’t one and done, such a roller coaster ride of emotions, you want your kids to have the best.”

Thanks again for all your prayers and support!!  One of the chapters in my book is called “It Takes a Village” you ……. yes, I’m talking to you… are one of them!

Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Special Needs, Stress and Anxiety

APPROVED!

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Last week we finally received good news from Arizona!

“This office has re-reviewed your appeal concerning the Division of Developmental Disabilities’ decision to deny placement in a Habilitation, Adult Developmental Home for your son, Bryson Plett. Please be advised that your appeal has been approved. The Division of Developmental Disabilities will approve placement in a Habilitation, Adult Developmental Home.”

The battle has taken almost 7 months to be fought.  Truthfully, I opened the email, read it and I was numb.  It is a cause for celebration, but the battle has been long and exhausting.  The battle didn’t end without injuries. 

We had to compromise on a few issues with Bryson’s diabetes management.

My heart, mind and body have battle scars that need to heal.

Last week I announced that I was writing a book and I wrote in my post that I wanted Bryson’s battle to be done before I announced it, but God’s promptings to make it public when I did reveal the truth of how God knows ALL. He knew that I would get the news of the approval the same week.  He needed me to step out in faith!

Thank you, prayer warriors, for your part in this adventure. I covet your continued prayers as we are still waiting for vocational rehab to start to help Bryson find a job in the Phoenix area. He isn’t fulfilled with his current day activities, and we need this to happen soon!

Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Special Needs, Stress and Anxiety, Type One Diabetes

Close

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The last few weeks have involved lots of emails and phone calls.  Yesterday we finally received documents that outline the new proposal from the State of Arizona with the correct terminology that we can agree on.  If we agree to this, it will be several weeks until everything is finalized.

When I have explained this to a friend what the state is proposing, she asked “isn’t this what you wanted?” Yes, I will get what I wanted and I’m thankful, but it has conditions that I strongly disagree with.  I am finding it hard to wrap my mind around the added time and energy this will put on Bryson’s new family.  Also, I’m not sure that Bryson’s health will not be compromised with these “requirements.”

We are close to the battle being over, but the battle has inflicted wounds and scars that will need time to heal. 

My mind is weary, my heart is anxious, my body is exhausted.

I’m thankful for God’s unwavering love for me!

I’m thankful for my village of friends who stand in the gap when I don’t have the strength.

My hope and prayer…… when this battle is behind me, I can shift my mind, heart, and body completely into what God has for me next.

The next chapter is coming…….

Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Special Needs, Stress and Anxiety, Type One Diabetes

Still Waiting

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I have rediscovered in the last year how writing is healing to my soul.  I have also realized how I can “shut down” and start carrying the burdens internally.  My goal was to keep writing here frequently to share my life with you, even apart from the Bryson journey you have all been walking through with me.

Most of my posts in the past have come to me at night, bits and pieces of what I’m processing in my mind.  My mind has not been quiet, but no ideas came to my mind. I’m thankful that my sleep has improved recently, but last night, I couldn’t sleep, my mind was all over the map.  

Yesterday was a stressful day involving our situation in Arizona with Bryson.  I received information in the morning that sent my mind spiraling downward.  I strongly dislike it when I get into this place, I feel out of control mentally.  The negative thoughts, the frustration and anger, the self-doubt, the bad self-talk comes. I tell myself, that I should know better, God is in Control…. but the hard feels so overwhelming and hopeless. 

As I sat in my chair, fighting to reclaim the truth, I texted several friends what I was grateful for.  It helped, but I was still caught in that angst place all day.  Late afternoon we had a meeting again with a lot of people involved in Bryson’s case.  So thankful for technology that Brad and I could both participate in the meeting. 

We have made progress, but we still do not have a clear resolution.  They offered us a proposal, the proposal that they offered is exactly what I proposed to them 5 ½ months ago when I was first informed that they were going to deny.  The exact words from an email I received about my proposal “I elevated your last suggestion and it was indicated that it is not possible for that to occur.”  NOW, it is possible?

I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. Working with government systems that are outdated, full of bureaucracy and dealing with people who are not the decision makers but the vessels to deliver information and they can’t answer my questions.

I realized last night as my mind was on overdrive, I wanted my next post here to be titled DONE! I want this to be done, we are in the 11th month since we started this adventure. It has been 5 ½ months since they first denied our request to pay for the home we want for Bryson.

Today is a new day, a day with sunshine. I cling to the truth of God’s plan, His timing, His purposes. As most of us know, we might never have clear answers to the WHYs in our life. My mind is hopeful and less foggy to see the situation in a better light. 

Yesterday when I was fighting for hope, I picked up my Bible and opened it… This is what I read:

Samuel 2:1-2

Then Hannah prayed: “My heart rejoices in the Lord!  The Lord has made me strong.
Now I have an answer for my enemies; I rejoice because you rescued me. No one is holy like the Lord!  There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.

Micah 7:15-16

Yes,” says the Lord, “I will do mighty miracles for you, like those I did when I rescued you from slavery in Egypt.” All the nations of the world will stand amazed at what the Lord will do for you. They will be embarrassed at their feeble power. They will cover their mouths in silent awe, deaf to everything around them.

Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Special Needs, Stress and Anxiety

Silence

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Sunday marks the start of a new week, a fresh start, a blank slate. Sunday also represents an end of a week, a doneness, a no going back.

Last Monday, there were a lot of conversations through email and phone calls about Bryson’s case with the State of Arizona. Our lawyer stated she was hoping to have the case wrapped up by the end of the week.

Since Monday… there has only been SILENCE. On Thursday I prayed bold, strong prayers… SILENCE.

Friday and Saturday, I did all that I could to stay busy, distractions… writing, tv watching, sleeping…to help not think about the SILENCE.

I woke up at 3 a.m. this morning, and with the quietness of the night, that SILENCE reminded me of the SILENCE I was trying to avoid. I still don’t understand, this wait, this unfinished business. My mind started circling around all the circumstances of the case; I tried to lay it down because this circling in my mind is not good for my stress level. Why God, it makes no sense why we are still waiting in this space.

So, a new week is here and this week our lawyer will have to start preparing for the hearing on August 1. None of us wanted to be heading into this week. What Lord, do I have to learn yet?

Today is supposed to be a day of rest, physically rest is available, but my mind doesn’t want to rest. Physically, we are all doing ok. Bryson is still in Goshen with us, he is enjoying his time here, but he talks about going back to The Valley. It helps me know that he is doing good. The resolution of this case isn’t affecting Bryson. I’m grateful for that. There are so many what ifs in my brain until this all gets settled. So…I will again pray with bold and strong prayers for resolution.