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Over the past 5 months, I have communicated through Google Meet with numerous people in the different agencies that are involved in determining Bryson’s eligibility for benefits in the State of Arizona. As I recall, I have spent almost 8 hours telling these people about Bryson. I have told them all about his medical past, medical present, medications.  I have told them how he dresses, toilets, eats, walks, talks, understands.  I have told them what his abilities are and what his disabilities are… and through all of those meetings, it was determined that Bryson is eligible for services in the State of Arizona because of his CP, Autism and Moderate Intellectual Disabilities.

Over the past 5 months, not one person has seen my son in the flesh, has shook his left hand, communicated face to face with him.  Not one person from these agencies has seen the Diabetic technology that my son wears to make his life better.  Bryson is eligible to receive services in the State of Arizona, but he is being denied placement into the living arrangement that is best for him because of his Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis and technology.  Does this make sense to you?

So, what is best for Bryson?  A family…. a home with loving people who care for each other, share similar interests and spend time together or a medical group home where people require 24/7 nursing care.  That is where the State of Arizona wants to put him.

This system has forgotten what is important… the person. not his disabilities and his medical issues. As I was reflecting, I feel I have lost WHO my son is… in this world who preaches inclusion…. HE should be able to be in the best place for him….. but NO, he is his disability, a liability threat, a person assigned a number in the system.  He has no face, no personality on paper.  SO, WHO IS MY SON?  I have been so caught up in having to explain all the hard about him and I’m so tired of being his caregiver, I have lost who my son really is… funny, sports lover, worship music lover, friend, amazing at sports facts. 

Can I ask you all a favor…. As I start marching around Jericho to fight this battle can you remind me who my son is to you?  I need you all to march with me, I need you all to tell the people who are in charge of this decision who Bryson is. I need them to know that Bryson deserves the family that we have chosen for him. Bryson deserves to thrive and grow and mature in a loving family environment.

Friends, family, past teachers, coaches, pastors, coworkers, church friends, parents of his friends, can you please write a short letter of how you know Bryson and who Bryson is to you and email it to me @ lisa@lisajplett.com

The last two days have been rough! The battle is in full motion. The feelings of discouragement, hopelessness and despair have been overwhelming. But, today as I sit here at the kitchen table there is a sense of HOPE in the air.

Monday night I received a devastating email that sent me spiraling.  I wept, I was angry, I called Brad and I told him this whole thing was a waste and I told him that I wanted to just go home.

But God knew that this Monday night I would be in this place, and He knew it would not be good for me to be alone.  That morning at 8:45, I picked up Fran, one of my best friends at the airport. She came out and sat by me on the back porch after I got off the phone with Brad. She spoke truth to me, encouraged me and let me sit in my hard place.  She then suggested a solution regarding Bryson’s situation that I never had thought about.  Hope filled the back porch.  Before I went to bed, I emailed this idea to
the agency I had been working with. Yesterday, emails were going back and forth and before I headed to bed last night, the last email received was positive that things were in motion and maybe I could avoid the appeal.

God KNEW what I would need, I don’t understand why I have to walk through this valley, but God used Fran as a vessel to speak to me, to tell me the path I needed to take. 

We all can be vessels for God’s purposes to speak into the lives of those around us. God is ALL knowing and HE knows what we need. Trust and Faith are hard. I don’t know when this battle will be over but I will focus on all that He has done for me so far and HOLD TIGHT to His hand.

My phone is close to me almost 100% of the time.  It is the line to my family, friends, maps, photos, and many good and bad distractions.  I woke up on Saturday morning and my phone was dead, black, no power, nothing… I panicked…. how do I call anyone, how do I get anywhere without GPS in this big city?  I don’t have my friend’s phone numbers memorized, I felt paralyzed for a few minutes till I remembered that Bryson’s phone was available. I called Brad and he suggested I go to the Apple Store and get it checked out.  Thankfully it was a quick reset issue and I was happily on my way in a few minutes.

On the way to the Apple Store, I wanted to ask God to fix my phone but felt it was such a small issue and I was also a bit mad at Him for allowing this to happen.  I had a brief discussion with Jesus about this first world problem. I asked Him, why do I have to deal with this when I have the big looming issue of Bryson’s housing placement.  I wasn’t mad about the phone but what I wanted was to lash out to Him with all my whys and reasons this process was taking so long. 

I have a conflict in my soul a lot of times, I struggle with just trusting God that He loves me unconditionally. I don’t pray enough, I don’t read my Bible enough, I get caught up watching too much tv, too much food, too much shopping.  I feel the need to consistently say I’m sorry for all the things I don’t do enough of.  When I stop and breathe, it a heavy burden.  My head knows from my biblical instruction that God loves me through in all my failures and His love NEVER changes for me, but my heart it constantly needs reminding. 

When the world throws inconveniences at me, it’s easy to question and wonder where I went wrong, but truth we live in a hard and broken world.  As I was reflecting on what happened with my phone, I felt God speak to me….

 He wants me to be with HIM 100% of the time.

 He wants me to manage my relationships and my activities with Him in mind.

He wants me to call on Him when I’m panicked about life circumstances.

Most of all He wants me to do a reset on my thoughts. 

I AM ENOUGH just the way I am NOW.

I AM ENOUGH even when I fail.

I AM ENOUGH when the world throws hard.

I AM ENOUGH because HE died, HE was buried in darkness, HE was without power, BUT… he reset the world 3 days later when HE rose….  

HE will never be without POWER. He is always a CALL away and He will GUIDE me through all of the hard of life.

Lord help me to Trust and Believe!

Another delay, another frustration, another fight! I got a phone call on Tuesday afternoon that the top decision making agency thinks Bryson’s Diabetes equipment requires a 24/7 medical placement. I admit I said some choice words in the last few days. Wednesday I was a mess… yesterday I did retail and ice cream therapy for myself. Maybe not the best methods but for now I’m coping. I got great support from the agency I’m working with and they told me to write a letter, here is part of what I wrote

“Bryson’s Diabetes equipment has been a blessing and the technology keeps on improving to allow Bryson to live a more full and safe life even with his diagnosis.  This decision that has been made in regard to a medical group home is backwards from the advancement of technology.”

The top people are worried about liability; covering their own butts. Not taking into consideration the “real person” behind all of this. I’m tired, I emailed this letter on Wednesday morning, it is now Friday afternoon and I have heard nothing. The lady that told me the information is kind and caring. She doesn’t agree with the decision she is just the one to deliver the news. Brad and my brother Nate have just arrived for the weekend. I am grateful!

Please pray

1. My support coordinator delivers my letter to the appropriate people
2. DDD Network decision makers reverse their decision without me having to appeal
3. My mental health in this waiting time
4. Bryson’s mental health, he is bored and ready to move on to the next chapter and is tired of the wait and not understanding all the details.

I continue to trust God has it all under control, but I don’t understand why everything that involves the disabilities world has to be so hard. Thanks prayer warriors!

Happy Monday to you all! It has been a bit since I have written and there is a lot of words in my head that need to hit these pages but I’ve been constipated, ok maybe that doesn’t apply here but that’s how I feel. I have been processing a lot in my head but sitting here and writing them out… well my heart isn’t ready for it. The writing process has been so healing for me. I guess I was constipated for the 8 years I didn’t write. Now that I have started up again I can confirm what my therapist as been telling me for years…. the power of writing out your thoughts and feelings.

Just sitting down at my laptop and starting to type I can feel my mind spinning and searching for thoughts that I have buried. I will admit that the underlying problem with my current symptom is GRIEF..

As I typed the title of this post.. I wrote it because I wanted to use this post as just what it says “update”.

Last Thursday I finally had the nursing assessment that Arizona Long Term Care needed regarding Bryson’s Diabetic care. The meeting went very well. If the nurse was truthful in what she said, I should hear this week that everything has been approved and we will get the official referral for Bryson to the agency we have been working with and we can start with the final paperwork to get him moved into his new home.

The time is getting closer, I know I need to give myself grace and allow myself to feel and deal with the life changes that are coming…. I am glad I have all of you to walk with me in this…. thank you!

My cousin Beth came to see me this past weekend. Since we are no longer living in the RV I took her back to the RV resort and the surrounding areas that Bryson and I lived at for 78 days.   Surprisingly, it was an emotional visit for me.  As we drove, I narrated about the roads that I drove many miles on, places that we visited, marveled at the beauty of the Four Peaks Mountain Range and stopped to show her the amazing views of the valley.  I drove her through the RV resort and showed her lot 170 which had been “home”.

We didn’t pick this specific RV resort, it was really the last “resort” for us when we were looking for a long term place to stay in the valley. Because we are not over 55 years old, many places don’t allow long term stays.  The reviews for this park were not the best, mostly because of bad customer service. But they had one lot left and we needed a place for our RV. When we arrived on October 1^st late at night and drove off the main rode onto a bumpy small road surrounded by nothing but desert, Brad questioned our decision and wondered what kind of husband and father he was to leave his wife and child there.

We have moved into the city, where amenities are 2 minutes away and the mountains are viewable but distant.  I love where we are at and it is a perfect location for our plans for this house in the valley.  It has been 49 days since we left the RV. In those 49 days I have spent time in Indiana and Jamaica. This house is starting to feel like home. But when I went back to my “home” of 78 days I realized how much I missed it and how precious the experience had been.  Just reading through this blog you know the dark and hard things that I faced in that place, the loneliness, the trapped feelings at times. Brad often would tell me “Lisa you are in a beautiful place, enjoy it” But when I was there, it was hard to take in the full beauty because of the circumstances. 

Isn’t this so true of live, we can be in a beautiful place but life’s circumstances knock us down and overwhelm us and we can’t see the beauty that is around us. I knew the beauty was there, but I couldn’t appreciate it fully.  My visit back was a breath of fresh air to me, and I truly was able to thank God for His provision, protection and knowing exactly the place I needed to be during that season. 

I am writing this from our backyard, the sun is warm on my legs. It is another beautiful place to be, but I still am here waiting and anticipating the next chapter of my life.  I have always struggled with being present and in the moment.  This has been an area I have been purposefully working on, I’m better but still have much work to do. 

I received a phone call this morning from the agency we are working with. The paperwork is in the hands of the right people but they have questions regarding Bryson’s diabetic care.  The ladies assured me not to worry and how to address these questions but my heart sank and this beautiful place in the sun seems dark.  “God why did you give Bryson Type 1 Diabetes on top of everything else?”  I am asking that question again; his Diabetes seems to be the biggest obstacle in receiving services.  This topic is a whole other blog post…

Please join me in prayer that these questions won’t delay his placement.  Also pray for me…. I feel like I have worked through a lot of Bryson’s situation but one phone call and the anger, sadness and grief slams me in the face again. 

Wow God is faithful… I paused my writing to go to a chiropractor appointment, when I got in the car this song was playing on the Message…… God knows my heart and your heart too… He knows what we need.

Brad loves Johnny Cash and his song I’ve Been Everywhere seems very applicable to my life now.

“I’ve been everywhere, man
I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man
Of travel I’ve had my share, man
I’ve been everywhere”

I have traveled roughly 1500 miles from Arizona to Indiana, roughly 1700 from Indiana to Jamaica and then back….. approximately 6400 miles from January 13 through January 23^rd! I crossed over miles of desert and I breathed in wonderful Jamaica mountain air.

I am now grounded back in Arizona and working on settling back into life here.  I took my mom to the airport this morning.  It was a blessing for her to be here and helping with Bryson’s care.  I was able to go to Jamaica and know that Bryson was in good hands.  I want to give a huge shout out to Lora for accompanying mom on this trip and being her driver and companion.  Lora, thanks for blessing me with all the projects that you did around the house for me! 

Our trip to Jamaica was a success and we accomplished our housing projects and made many good memories.  I find it a privilege to come along side Jamaica Relief Ministries and helping them fulfill their mission of making an impact on the lives of Jamaicans.  Below are a few pictures from our week.

We are now in the final stretch of waiting in regards to Bryson’s placement process with a family.  I had a 2 ½ hour assessment interview on January 12^th before I left the Valley. The paperwork is in the system. Because we have completed our search for a family before this step was done it hopefully will make these last steps move faster. At this time, I am praying for placement middle to end of February and returning home in March sometime. 

As I get older I am realizing more and more the importance of my heritage.  Yesterday, I was blessed to be with my mom and her two remaining siblings, her brother lives in California and her sister in the Phoenix area.  I heard numerous stories of God’s faithfulness over the years in the Bender family and also humorous stories from their childhood.  My cousin Teresa and I spent time reading The Budget (the Amish newspaper) and we caught up on a lot of valuable information. Who needs Facebook!

Bryson’s 25^th birthday is this Sunday, the 29^th. I would love if you would flood him with messages.  If I let myself feel all the feels… I think he is sad and misses his people, but he is afraid to acknowledge that because he wants to live here. His emotional and mental capacity is limited in understanding these feelings and emotions.  You can find him on Facebook but I would love if you text him and let him know he hasn’t been forgotten.

After a lot of thought on my part and talking to Brad we have decided we need to rehome Bryson’s dog Rizzo.  I love that dog but with our traveling schedules and looking long term it feels like the best thing to do for Rizzo.  Rizzo has been at a dog sitter a lot of the last few months and I see how much he loves being with other dogs and children and getting more attention than we can provide.  Bryson and I went on a walk yesterday and I told him about this decision.  He doesn’t understand and it makes me sad but it won’t work for him to have a dog here.  If you or you know of someone who would want a 5 year old Pomsky, please private message me. I plan to post on Facebook soon also. 

Prayer requests:

1. Bryson adjustment to his new family over the next months
2. Bryson accepting the decision to find Rizzo a new home and also to locate the best home for Rizzo
3. Pray for me as the transition to the next phase of my life is coming closer and as I walk through this process.
4. Pray for Brad and I as we together prepare for the next chapter of our lives.
5. Pray for Jamaica Relief Ministries as they serve the people of Jamaica and as they are currently fighting arrows that the devil has fired at them. Pray that the devil will be defeated and that God’s plan for JRM will continue to thrive.

Thanks for reading all the way to the end. I hope to get back to regular writing.  I realize how much I enjoy this and how much it feeds my soul.

Blessings!

This last week has been hard!

…Feeling a letdown of Brad and Ty leaving

…There were more cloudy days than sunny days in the Valley

…My back has been hurting

…I’m tired of this process

All of the above and then yesterday I got a call and I have to do another 1 ½ – 2-hour interview with the first government agency. YES, he is approved and eligible but now they have to do an assessment on what he qualifies for!  I’m just done, another new person, going over question after question of the same information about Bryson.

Finding gratitude…. Thankful the interview is this week; thankful for the amazing agency I am working with that immediately called me with information for this interview; thankful we are almost to the end of the process…. But I’m so exhausted.

My interview is at 7 pm eastern time tomorrow night.  I’m grateful for all of my prayer warriors who have joined me on this journey. I need you all again. God has been faithful, He has heard the groanings of my heart and He has heard all of your requests on Bryson and my behalf. I KNOW He is one step ahead of each part of this process; I KNOW He is walking beside me now.

More gratitude… My mom and her friend Lora are arriving tomorrow at noon to be here for 2 weeks.  I am flying home on Friday and then joining a group of people heading to Jamaica for a week of mission, Sunday the 15^th through Saturday the 21^st.   Our business has been taking our employees every 2 years to help build houses in Jamaica with Jamaica Relief Ministries. This year we invited friends and family to attend.  I have been looking forward to this trip but honestly, as I sit here today in my exhaustion,  I’m finding it hard to get excited.  So, I bring more requests.

…prayers for energy and excitement and health for my back.

…prayers for safety for our group.  

…prayers for the two families we are helping with housing needs.

Thank you, prayer warriors!

I have sat down at my laptop several times in the last week to write a post and just didn’t get the inspiration to write.  But I can’t wait anymore, when you have good news, you have to share it immediately!

Brad and Ty left this morning, and it is back to Bryson and me in the Valley.  We had a busy week with them here.  My interview with Arizona Long Term Care went for 2 hours last Wednesday, I felt good about it but have been uptight in the not knowing…. BUT… I got a call this afternoon and Bryson has been deemed ELIGIBLE!! Yes, that call and declaration is what we have waited to hear, the waiting, stress and prayers over the last 95 days have been answered with approval. I am so grateful to God for His favor in this journey and decision.  I have seen His hand move in many ways over the last months.  I have questioned Him, I have doubted Him, I have prepared myself for a harder fight, but He answered with a simple word “eligible.”  Even though my faith was small, He heard the prayers of all of you and I feel like it is a confirmation of the decision that Brad and I have made for Bryson’s future. 

I have no idea about the next steps, I hadn’t let myself get past this moment.  I will be communicating with the agency this week and start the next process.  We visited Bryson’s new family on Sunday and was reminded again how much I love them and know that Bryson will be happy in their home.  I will eventually get you more details about the family but until things are finalized I can’t do that here.

Last Friday, Brad, Ty, Bryson, and I headed off on the SXS’s to the top of the Four Peaks, the mountain range that has been a gift for me to view from the RV.  The day was gloomy and overcast…. Just like Indiana. I put together a short movie of the trip.  It was a lot of fun but because of the clouds I wasn’t able to see the top.  We will need to do it again when it is sunny.

One more detail to share with all of you…. We are no longer living in the RV…… our time expired on January 1 at the RV resort.  We are not homeless, we closed on a house in the Peoria area mid-December and have moved in.  It has been so good to be in a home with room to move. The house needs a lot of help inside and out but so far it has been perfect for us.  We are now in the city instead of the outskirts of the Valley, I can’t see the Four Peaks from my windows but I can see other mountains. 

There is more that I could share but I will wait for the next post.  I hope to get back on track with my regular writing. Thanks again for joining me here on my journey.   

Can anyone name who sang “Go West Young Man” back in the 80’s?  This morning after I sent off Brad, Bryson and Tyrell with the truck and trailer to Arizona and I crawled back into bed, this song popped into my head and I had to google who sang it. First I pulled up “Great Adventure “ by Steven Curtis Chapman and realized that wasn’t the song I was thinking of, then I saw the link to the song “Go West Young Man” by Michael W Smith.  These two men shaped my teenage years with their music…. A side note: Carman was still my favorite!!

I’m sure you might have questions as to why I sent my men off this morning without me and why I’m thinking about old songs….

First, I will share the GOOD NEWS I got on Friday afternoon. I received a call from the second government agency to schedule the BIG interview for Bryson’s benefits approval. I was shocked I got the call as fast as I did and around the holidays.  He wanted to schedule it on Tuesday of this week, but we would still be traveling west.  We were able to confirm 10:00 AM Arizona time (12 pm Indiana Time) on Wednesday the 28^th for the 2-hour interview. It will be completed online through Google meet.   It is good news, but I had not gathered all the information that I would need for this appointment.  Brad gifted me a flight out tomorrow afternoon to Phoenix so I could have today to prepare for the interview and not be tired and overwhelmed after traveling for two days.  He is the best!  I also was able to be home this morning to send Stevan back to Louisville to complete the rest of his time in YWAM, he will be traveling to Columbia the next several months to share the gospel.   Another bonus, I have an extra 36 hours to hang out with Kaden. 

On Saturday, I spent part of the day with Bryson in his room packing his treasures.  He wanted to take everything and I worked with him to leave some of his older memorabilia here that I will put in a nice keepsake chest for him.  I stayed stoic and went through the process with him, but…. yesterday and today as I was doing final packing and I walked into his almost empty room, the realization of what is really happening started pushing hard on my emotions and my heart.  Today as it is only Kaden and me in the house… I feel the empty… my mind wants to go to the other side of this adventure to when I am back home, and he is out west.  I’m not ready to process it yet…. I will…… but now I need to focus on this interview and to get him approved!  I look forward to the next chapter but I know it will involve processing, grieving and figuring out what the next part of my life’s journey will look like.

Bryson is happy…. He made several remarks this week that reinforced his desire to live in Arizona and even with his limited cognitive abilities; he understands what is happening and he is grateful that he is getting this opportunity.  As a mother, our goal is to raise our children to launch and fly out on their own.  My journey with Bryson has been difficult but rewarding and I feel the peace of Jesus with me, and I just want to say to Bryson…. “Go West Young Man and have your Great Adventure”