My cousin Beth came to see me this past weekend. Since we are no longer living in the RV I took her back to the RV resort and the surrounding areas that Bryson and I lived at for 78 days. Surprisingly, it was an emotional visit for me. As we drove, I narrated about the roads that I drove many miles on, places that we visited, marveled at the beauty of the Four Peaks Mountain Range and stopped to show her the amazing views of the valley. I drove her through the RV resort and showed her lot 170 which had been “home”.
We didn’t pick this specific RV resort, it was really the last “resort” for us when we were looking for a long term place to stay in the valley. Because we are not over 55 years old, many places don’t allow long term stays. The reviews for this park were not the best, mostly because of bad customer service. But they had one lot left and we needed a place for our RV. When we arrived on October 1st late at night and drove off the main rode onto a bumpy small road surrounded by nothing but desert, Brad questioned our decision and wondered what kind of husband and father he was to leave his wife and child there.
We have moved into the city, where amenities are 2 minutes away and the mountains are viewable but distant. I love where we are at and it is a perfect location for our plans for this house in the valley. It has been 49 days since we left the RV. In those 49 days I have spent time in Indiana and Jamaica. This house is starting to feel like home. But when I went back to my “home” of 78 days I realized how much I missed it and how precious the experience had been. Just reading through this blog you know the dark and hard things that I faced in that place, the loneliness, the trapped feelings at times. Brad often would tell me “Lisa you are in a beautiful place, enjoy it” But when I was there, it was hard to take in the full beauty because of the circumstances.
Isn’t this so true of live, we can be in a beautiful place but life’s circumstances knock us down and overwhelm us and we can’t see the beauty that is around us. I knew the beauty was there, but I couldn’t appreciate it fully. My visit back was a breath of fresh air to me, and I truly was able to thank God for His provision, protection and knowing exactly the place I needed to be during that season.
I am writing this from our backyard, the sun is warm on my legs. It is another beautiful place to be, but I still am here waiting and anticipating the next chapter of my life. I have always struggled with being present and in the moment. This has been an area I have been purposefully working on, I’m better but still have much work to do.
I received a phone call this morning from the agency we are working with. The paperwork is in the hands of the right people but they have questions regarding Bryson’s diabetic care. The ladies assured me not to worry and how to address these questions but my heart sank and this beautiful place in the sun seems dark. “God why did you give Bryson Type 1 Diabetes on top of everything else?” I am asking that question again; his Diabetes seems to be the biggest obstacle in receiving services. This topic is a whole other blog post…
Please join me in prayer that these questions won’t delay his placement. Also pray for me…. I feel like I have worked through a lot of Bryson’s situation but one phone call and the anger, sadness and grief slams me in the face again.
Wow God is faithful… I paused my writing to go to a chiropractor appointment, when I got in the car this song was playing on the Message…… God knows my heart and your heart too… He knows what we need.
Love that song : Desert Road! It has encouraged me as well!
Praying that Bryson’s diabetes need not be a setback..and that you may be filled with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
You have such a beautiful way of turning ashes into beauty Lisa; using your raw, real and vulnerable heart to point to His overcoming beauty! I have always loved that about you!!
What a perfect anthem for your journey! God is so good!