Tag: faith

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Endurance

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This photo is from the Ironman Arizona website; this is the highway I travel almost every day.

Ironman Arizona happened close to where we live this past Sunday.  They closed one direction of the highway for the bike portion of the race. As we were coming home from church and lunch on Sunday, we drove for 13 miles beside the bikers.  Some were going north at a slight incline and then others were already on their way south.  I was driving so I couldn’t watch them as much as I would have liked but as I observed them my mind kept going to the question “what is their story and what has led them to compete in the Ironman?” After returning to the RV, I googled the route and discover what all is involved in the Ironman. It starts with a 3.8 km (2.36 miles) swim; 180 km (111.85 miles) bike ride and then 42.2 (26.2 miles) run.  There were approximately 2500 athletes that competed.

I have not been able to get the images of these bikers out of my mind the last few days and the word endurance has been surfacing when it comes to mind.  The definition of endurance – the ability to withstand hardship or adversity; the ability to sustain a prolonged stressful effort or activity. Or another definition – the act or an instance of enduring or suffering.

When I read the definition, it sounds HARD and LONG…. Why would anyone do this willingly to their body?  They signed up to do this, they paid an entrance fee to do this, they knew when they arrived at the starting line what was ahead of them, but still they showed up. 

I’m not an athlete… and my physical status has never been “in shape”.  I have participated in several 5k run and walks over the years and I have had times when I exercised regularly and pushed myself beyond what I thought I could do but I have never trained or have any “athletic mentality” so I just can’t relate to doing something like this. 

But… I feel such a connection to this race… such a pull to the words HARD and LONG, it feels like my life.  The part that I’m wrestling with is:  I didn’t agree to this; I didn’t sign up for this; I wasn’t prepared on that cold January morning in 1998 when a nurse told me that Bryson had suffered a seizure in the nursery during the night.  I wasn’t aware of what was ahead of me, I had NO choice but to show up and become the best mother to my first-born son.

Endurance… is that what this is, sitting in an RV in the middle of the desert 1500 miles from home…looking for a family for him to live with?  Is this what the ability to withstand hardship…. the ability to sustain a prolonged stressful effort? Is this what 24 years, 10 months of caring for Bryson has been.  It has been hard, and it has been long, the word endurance seems so negative…

As I reflect on the athletes that signed up for the Ironman, I believe that even though they knew about the hardship that they would be facing for the next 7-12 hours…. that when they finished exhausted at the finish line…. they will probably do it again. I didn’t know what was ahead of me back in 1998 and I’m tired in so many ways from this race, I’m tired of the caregiving that it takes with all of his physical and medical needs, I’m tired of fighting and worrying about his future. But I would do it all over again if I had to… Bryson has shown me beauty in a new way, his courage, strength and acceptance of his disabilities…. his positive view to life… there has been many wonderful memories over the years and I love my son with my whole being… all his quirks, thoughts and passions. When I release my caregiving role to someone else… I will embrace the privilege it is to just be Bryson’s mother!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 NIV

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1 NIV

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 NIV

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Romans 5:3–4

Adoption, Family

God’s Timing

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I have been praying since we started the adoption process for Stevan (just found out that this is the correct spelling of his name on his birth certificate) to be home by August. When I think of Stevan and his needs; being here to start school on time would be helpful; not arriving in the winter would be great.  I shared this a while back with a friend and she said to me that we need to realize that God’s timing is the perfect timing and our ideas might not be the same as His. This left me a bit dejected and questioning “isn’t it ok to ask for a miracle and for the things that would be most helpful to Stevan?” So I continued to pray for it but with less energy and passion as I had before.
Over the past several weeks, the adoption has made progress but looking at the entire process in all reality I came to the realization that August would have to be a TOTAL GOD THING, because humanly it definitely seemed out of the question. We were told our case should be ready for the adoption board by August because it will miss the July deadline because they are waiting on Stevan’s medical exam. So I let go and told God I’ll just wait for His timing.
Yesterday, I got to talk to a father who is in the process of adopting their second child from Jamaica and he gave me some amazing advice of things that I can do to help speed up the end process. He also told me that the adoption board isn’t meeting in August because it is a big holiday month and they won’t have it. I felt let down, that means we will have to wait until September. This father told me that the July adoption board is meeting this Saturday. So my mind started spinning, what if Stevan’s medical came this week, would there be a small chance that our case could get slipped in? Because I was also told that after the adoption board approval, it could only be several weeks until he could be ready to come home. Then my HEART stopped, what several weeks? The whole thought freaked me out. I have been praying for August; my mother heart has been loving him and so ready for him to come home, but could it actually happen in a few weeks? I’M NOT READY!!! How could I think that? The best for him is to come home now, but what if I’m not emotionally and mentally ready? What if God’s timing is to wait a few more months because HE knew that I needed more time to prepare for this life changing event.
So my heart has been rocked today as I wrestle with the possibility of a miracle from God, but also telling God, I think you might be right, I’m not sure I’m ready yet. My conclusion as of now is that this is another step in my faith journey of trusting God that HE knows best and His Timing is always PERFECT. So if it is next month or October, I know that there is no way I can do this adoption without His strength, guidance and peace. He will make me ready for what Stevan needs from me when he comes home. I’m learning how HARD adoption is mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and I haven’t even brought him home yet. But I’m BELIEVING with 100% faith that this will be one of the best things that I will experience in my life. It’s all in God’s TIMING!!

Encouragement, Family

Reality vs. Faith

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The other day I was sharing with a friend about a new exciting adventure that our family is embarking on.  I shared details and my friend asked the question “will it be difficult?”  In my response I stated that it will not be an easy road but I am believing God for a miracle.  His next response was “great, but just as long as you don’t expect it to not be difficult.”

These words have been rolling around in my head since they landed there.  I can’t shake them.  I have been praying for this miracle for a few weeks now and God continues to be providing peace and just amazing faith.  My head knowledge knows that it will not be an easy road, but my faith says the miracle is going to happen.  So where do I land?

I believe as Christians living in this fallen world we have become calloused to God’s miracles.  We only need them in the “BIG” things.  We have become hardened to God’s moving hand because we see so much hurt, sadness and yuck every day around us.  My faith says that God is performing miracles every minute, every second.  But I don’t see them or notice.  My head tells me that the road is going to be tough instead of thanking God for the miracle of the moment.

God asked me the other day if I could trust Him enough with our journey that I wouldn’t even have to do anything on the earthly side and just believe He will do it all the Heavenly realm?  Let go of control, 100% trust?  My head screams NO, NO! But my heart yearns for that faith and peace!

In one of my devotionals, God placed these verses just for me.

“Do not throw away your confidence: it will be richly rewarded” Hebrews 10:35

“Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished” Luke 1:45

I want to live in the “faith” world!  I don’t want my confidence to be thrown out; I want to BELIEVE that God will do what He told me He will do.  I want to live in that world.  But where do I put reality?  I went and read Hebrews 10: 31-36.  The author is reminding them how they remained faithful through terrible suffering, public ridicule, beatings, jail time and all was taken away, now that is the reality of my world.  But the author wasn’t finished and that is where FAITH intersects, the end of verse 34 “you accepted it with joy.  You knew there were better things waiting for you that will last forever. Do not throw away your confidence.”

So what should our response as Christians be to others who are facing exciting, but possibly difficult journeys?  Do we radiate God’s Faith to them or do we keep them stuck in reality?  I don’t know about you but I think I want to go the faith route.  I want to accept the miracles of the moment and the crap of reality all in one shiny wrapped package of JOY.  Because I know in my head and my heart that God will accomplish all the miracles that HE has promised!