Our trip to Jamaica is complete, the mission of our trip was accomplished, and I learned a good lesson through it all. I struggled before we left about how Kaden and I were going to bond with a twelve year old boy. I knew the atmosphere of the orphanage, the emotional needs for attention and affection. I knew having three sons that communication isn’t always their top priority and especially when it involves their feelings. So how were we going to bond and connect with Stevan?
The truth of the matter is that we had spent only one hour together before. So we were really starting out again as strangers, strangers in reality but family because of God’s plan. How do you go from stranger to mom and brother in a few days? It started slow, Stevan’s smile upon seeing us was proof that we had made a slight dent in April when we met with him. There was recognition and maybe a sliver of hope in his eyes. To be honest it was awkward for me, I was nervous, my mom heart has been praying and loving and crying for this boy, I had so much emotions inside to express but to him I was still a stranger. We sat down and asked the typical questions you ask a stranger when you need to start a conversation. Thankfully the house mothers gave us privacy on the first day and only several other kids were around. We showed him pictures of our home and community, I asked him numerous questions which were answered with one word. We played UNO, we played DOTS. But the majority of the time it was silent, just playing. My heart wanted to say so much, but just did not know how and wanted to be cautious in not overwhelming Stevan, I didn’t want to think he was being interrogated.
When I went home that evening to reflect on our day, the theme that kept running through my head was “The Power of Presence.” I pondered through it and was struck with such a peace and an understanding of what this trip was about. Stevan needs to know I love him and that might not involve words. I am a very wordy person, through writing and speaking. My closest friends know how much I love to talk. I also don’t do well with silence. But God wanted to teach me something through this trip, sometimes just sitting with someone speaks louder than any words can and also that God wants me to sometime just sit in His Presence, not asking or praising just to be with HIM.
The next day I didn’t feel forced to communicate and ask a lot of questions to Stevan, it would have been hard anyway because this day we didn’t get the privacy and we were surrounded by about 25 children hungry for affection and attention. My heart was at rest, I sat back and watched, I watched Stevan’s interaction with the other kids, I watched how fast he could make rubber band bracelets on his fingers. I watched him sneak little peaks at me with his beautiful eyes. I watched the interaction between Stevan and Kaden. I sat off to the side and talked to his house mother Ms. Joy. I learned so much in watching, Stevan knew I was there. Love happened that day just through the power of being close.
By Sunday, he grabbed my hand to hold. Ahhh….. that was an amazing feeling. I was still present, I was available to him, he knew I was a safe place, he had felt my love. Did our communication increase after that? NO, but that was ok, he continued to answer the few questions I asked and that was good, but we continued to just hang out together. He loved the music on my phone, he loved to look at my pictures over and over. He loved playing games on Kaden’s iPod. We successfully started the bonding process and we moved a few more notches over from stranger to family.
We learned some hard facts about Stevan’s history through our adoption worker, I heard some great things from his house mother about him. I also got to talk to his pastor at church and she spoke good things about Stevan. I learned more about his schooling. I got a lot of questions answered and I have a lot of questions that still need to be asked. Captain Palmer, the orphanage director was not there so I never got to meet her and ask her questions. There is still paperwork on the Jamaica side that needs to be completed, there is not an adoption board meeting in August because of it is a holiday month, so as of now we should be ready for the adoption board meeting the middle of September with a home date first of October. Is that concrete? As adoption goes, not at all, but that is our prayer and hope. Our family is so ready for this next step, our family isn’t complete anymore in Indiana, there is a piece missing and when I said good bye to Steven, I confirmed with him that I can’t wait to be his mother and that his family is waiting for him. The power of God’s presence has been amazing through this journey. I am so grateful that God is always sitting by watching me and loving me and inviting me into a closer relationship with Him too!!!
