Tag: seizures

Adoption, Encouragement, Seizures, Special Needs

Wrestling in my Brain

Posted on

hands up

God has revealed Himself to me in so many miraculous ways during this adoption journey so far.  I have been brought to tears by words from others as they revealed what God had placed on their hearts for me.  I have felt a deep peace the last several weeks and I can say “I’m living with my hands up!”  I BELIEVE that He is going to do even more amazing things than I could ever imagine through and in this adoption….. but then today as I drove to school to pick up Bryson, the third day in a row, because he had a seizure again, a wrestling match started up in my brain.  God WHY seizures again? God I asked for healing for Bryson, I’ve asked A LOT over the years, WHY? Then I heard the thoughts in my head say “can you really bring Stephen home soon, if you can’t heal Bryson?”  The wrestling went back and forth, I recalled many miracles that God had performed on Bryson’s behalf; but he is having seizures again! I have grown so much in my faith because of Bryson’s life; but he is having seizures again! WHY??  Will you perform a miracle God for this adoption?  I think my hands have been up God, I’ve been trusting, but WHY does Bryson have to struggle again?

I felt my hands lower a bit when Bryson told me that he didn’t make these seizures happen. I reassured him I knew it wasn’t anything that he did.  My heart breaks for him as he is trying to understand what is going on in his body.  He told me he thinks that they just need to up his meds.  I agreed and told him we will get things figured out and I am sorry he had to miss track practice again.  OK God WHY?

Truth screams at me and I KNOW that God will work all things out! I KNOW that God is in the miracle business in Bryson’s life and Stephen’s life.  But right now my hands are a bit weary, is it easier to just grab a hold of the bar of worry?  I don’t want to go there, I want to lift my hands back up fully and totally dependent on God, but tonight I am tired.

Uncategorized

Roller Coaster Ride

Posted on

I have only been on a roller coaster one time in my life, when I was very young.  It wasn’t a very good experience.  My stomach tossed and turned and I “threw up” all of my lunch.  I decided then that roller coasters were not for me. 

I have been on a lot of emotional roller coasters over the last 14 years and yesterday was one of those days again.  I keep hoping that I am stronger in the truth to not get on one of them but…..

On Wednesday, I took Bryson to see his Endocrinologist for his three month Diabetes checkup and even though he had been having a lot of lows in the past month the doctor  was very happy with his A1C and his overall health.  She changed some of his basal rates on his insulin pump and I drove home thanking God that everything was looking really good and stable and even his seizures have been controlled since February. 

I got a call at 12:48 p.m. yesterday from the school nurse, she told me that Bryson had experienced the weird sensation in his right side and had kind of fallen into his chair.  He was in her office and was OK but very tired.  My mind started rolling all different directions, “no not seizures again” “I just thanked you God that everything was good” “I can’t deal with this”  “it’s not fair”. All those thoughts tumbled around in my brain and settled in my heart. 

This sensation is what Bryson feels before a seizure comes on, called an aura.  The only way we know if it is a seizure or just an aura is how he responds after the episode.  All evidence says it was a seizure.  Bryson was very tired and spaced out and his blood sugar skyrocketed and he got large Ketones (a condition that left untreated can lead to a life threatening emergency).  So after realizing this was going on and having just gotten my stitches out of my hand from carpal tunnel surgery a week prior, my emotions were in a full whirlwind, flying around curves and plummeting downward and upside down.  I “threw up” in my brain. 

I send out a text to a few close friends for prayer and I believe God answered with urgency.  My emotions started landing on solid truth and I was able to process.  Bryson’s blood sugar and ketones came back to normal faster then usual.  My mind has been processing all of the events from yesterday and I realize how fast I can let my emotions control every aspect of my life.  I am so thankful for faithful friends and for a loving God who hears and restores the peace I so needed. 

Now we just have to wait to see if this seizure was just a “one time” episode or if we are back on the seizure train.  I am trying really hard to focus on God’s word that He has it all in control and to just stay on the firm foundation of His Word and not get on another emotional roller coaster ride.